Tuesday, November 9, 2010

More Gray than Black and White

Recently I watched a really bad movie, "The Killers," where the leading character's mother replied to her daughter, "You married your father.  I know I did."  So for the past three days this line has irked me beyond belief.  Is this a true statement?

If you look at me and my friends, we are a myriad of different personalities from an array of households.  Some come from happy two parent households, others come from unstable two parent households.  Then there are some of us who were raised in divorce households who knew the other parent.  Then there is the last group, the ones who group up in a single parent household.  I fall into the latter category.  I was raised in a single parent household where the only resemblance of my father were infrequent phone calls that have left me as a bitter adult who probably should seek counsel in the near future.  So, what is the issue at hand?

At face the value, if a woman marries her father, then the simple answer to this question is, of course us without father will grow up to marry losers.  You know the ones, the men who are unable to commit but we keep them around.  The ones who cheat and we keep going back but we can't seem to just let go.  Fatherless women have not guideline, no criteria to judge men.  Being an adult out in the world with no mother, I have learned the world is a lot more gray than black and white.  There is no correct answer of who a woman should date or should not date.  But there is a deeper issue at heart rather than who you date.  The question should be asked, what criteria does a fatherless woman have when choosing a potential mate.  (I have been pondering this for a long time)  And, the even bigger question, what role does a woman's genes and past play into her romantic future? 

Well, without a father figure in my life, there were definitely other options to look at as role models.  A girl could always go back to her grandfather, who didn't really much like children.  So I guess I can count him out.  Or, I can choose from my three philandering uncles who love women and many of them.  I must mention by the way, that my grandfather who raised my three uncles was married to my grandmother until his death.  So again, I ask who are a girls examples.  And with my familial example, do role models in a young woman's life even matter.  I said I had example, not good ones.  And even though I condone my uncles habits, I must say to some extent I am like them.  As much as the enjoy the company of multiple women, I enjoy being the center of attention of multiple women.  I enjoy being chased.  Is this a learned behavior?  Is this behavior genetic? 

My answers to all these questions are  yes.  To some extent, the male figures in a woman's life are very important and crucial.  My observations of people as a child has translated into my behavior as an adult.  It is probably in my genes to cheat.  But isn't it in everyone.  When did monogamy become the name of the game...beginning of the 20th century.  But I am digressing into a whole nother argument. 

When the male figure is absent from his daughter's life, she is left to experiment, pick and choose from what may seem right and what may seem wrong.  So is this the reason why so many young fatherless women, including myself have failed at finding a mate.  But many of my friends who came from married households find themselves in loving relationships.  NO CLUE...and this is nothing that will be settled in this blog.  But isn't it a interesting conversation to have with your girlfriends.

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