Sunday, March 27, 2011


I am generally a happy person.  Which is why these posts are so sporadic.  I only write when I am lonely, sad, feeling unappreciated, or I have done something amazing.  There are two people that I must put out of my life.  Both whom I account as good friends, and one whom I would have kept as a friend if I had not slept with.

The first one, we will call him Ricky.  We met 6 years ago, after my breakup with Matthew and my parole from West Point.  I was young, stupid, and fell for him.  But more than that he was a great person.  A person whom I could have actual conversations with.  The fatal flaw of our relationship, we had sex.  And like all the great movies and writers say, there is always feelings attached to sex.  Well, my feelings got involved, and played off them.  Well, I allowed him.  So let's just say, he is the first guy I allowed to play me.  While we dated, or were friends, he continued to have female friends.  He wasn't READY for a relationship.  At that point, I wasn't either.  I finally had freedom and wasn't giving it up.  So that brings us to today.  Where when I pop up at home, he always pops up at the right moment and says the right things to get my head all crazy.  Yes, he is one of those guys, who plays the mind games, doesn't answer questions directly and will have sex with you accompanied with great conversation.

Second guy, we will call him Newboo.  Who is another great friend, who thinks he can make it work with me.  The funny thing, he's not really willing to try to make it work with me.  On the contrary, he will do everything to push you away, including pop up in town and stay with his ex wife to see his children even though you are right down the street.  And then when he finally gets up the nerve to say he is in town, he will only come by for ten minutes to see you.  Okay, now I really painted him out to be a bad guy.  But he has been an awesome friend to me.  He has sat and listened to me talk about my relationships that have ultimately fallen apart due to my inability to see how crazy and narcisstic some men are.  But like, I said, we have never had sex, and have only really flirted with the idea of being together.  So why am I letting him go.  This flirting possiblity of being together.  These string of broken promises that only seem to get bigger and bigger and I keep falling for the okey doke.  Oh and the lack of communication and inability to at least try to talk to me.

It's time to start anew.  And let both of these men who are unable to give me what I want and need go.  Plus I am just really tired of these guys who get my feelings all up in an uproar only to come crashing down on disappointment. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

First Day

So very few people know about my trip.  Why, because so many people would try to talk me out of it.  I have come to Israel, a land, most Westerners who only read about it in history books.  Its a totally different culture than what we have learned about in Civics and World History Classes.  Being here makes you want to buy one of those biased books on Jewish History that makes them seem like the best thing since sliced bread.  I mean, every ethinicity, religion and culture does that.  It is part of the marketing scheme.  Well I did just that, and I can't get enough of it, or the people here.  Such an amazing trip so far.

Okay so my first full day in Jerusalem was suppose to start with tour of Bethlehem and then old city tour.  It was derailed by just poor timing and inability to communicate effectively where we wanted to go.  Myself and a girl named Caroline were suppose to leave at around 9 to venture towards Bethlehem on the number 21 bus.  Well we really left at 11.  We met a orthodox non orthodox Jewish woman at Breakfast here in the hostal.  She was cool but a little crazy.  This crazy Jewish Lady and Caroline having to move to another room delayed us for about 2 hours.  That and the need to ask over and over where we are going and the to debate Philosophy, (not me).  This crazy Jewish lady thought she knew everything including how to get around Jerusalem even though she has only been here for six months.  We took the wrong bus to the old city, through her direction, and then searched for the number 21 bus line, where she proceeded to ask to go to Rachel's Tomb (Kevar Rachel).  Why was this wrong,  BECAUSE NO BUS GOES TO RACHEL'S TOMB!!!!  Bus drivers were telling us to take the 71, the 72 the 163.  Needless to say we were waiting two hours for a bus that runs every 15 minutes.  And yes, Bus 21 does go near BETHLEHEM, a place name Beit Jilla.  If we had just said that, then of course we would have been where we needed, in 40 minutes or less.   So annoyed at this point.  So why don't Israeli buses go directly to Bethlehem, Jesus birthplace.  BECAUSE IT IS IN PALESTINIAN territory also known as the West Bank!!!! 

So we arrive at the Bethlehem checkpoint, and of course the haggling begins.  A guy is trying to get us to go to his souvenir store and he will take us to the Nativity Church.  Where Jesus was born.  Of course I was skeptical but Caroline was like okay, I have a good feeling about this.  I didn't.  I hate feeling obligated to buy something because you take me somewhere, I'll just pay for a cab.  However, I was not by myself.  I was with two other people.  So I went along with it.  Went through the check point and of course ended up in this guys souvenir shop.  I just want to go to the Church.  So I looked but didn't buy, and we pressed him to take us to the church, which by the way is guarded by Palestinian guards!!!

The church is small and unimpressive.  Stone walls with very little art work.  It is a functioning church, not like St. Peter's Church at Vatican City, which is functioning, but has the great works of artists works, you only dream about seeing.  This is how you know the church is not as big with everyone as it may seem, At Vatican City or any other church of signifgance, you pay a fee to get in, even at Notre Dame in Paris.  At this church, you walk into a small opening guraded by men with guns.  However, when you go down some stairs the atmosphere changes.  Now I believe in God, and Jesus Christ, but I am the last person who will get the holy ghost and run around a church.  But I almost did cry.  There are two places in the cave, a place that shows where he was actually born, and then the place where the manger was kept.  The Jewish woman I was with prayed at the spot that He was born.  A monk also kissed this spot!  It was one of those moments you had to be there for.  Back into the real world, where there is a fight over territory and a Palestinian protest.  Of course our driver is like, we go back down to the store, you finish your business with Joseph and then I take you to Rachels Tomb.  Let's not talk about the Jewish woman and her need to get to an appointment that everyone knew she was going to be late for.  She was just crazy.  But we had to go see Rachel's Tomb, where Jacob buried her on his way to Jerusalem after giving birth to her last son.  We went to this souvenir store where I bought nothing.  I hate being foreced to buy somet hing that probably isn't real.  Caroline did though.  A bracelet, which was very nice.  After haggling from 800 ILS to 100 ILS, I know that's a big drop, we asked the driver to take us to Rachel's tomb and then on to Jerusalem.  I had to refresh myself with the story of Rachel because I don't quite honestly remember it.  Basically, it's a love triangle between Jacob, Rachel and Leah.  Read the bible, if you interested.

Jewish women go to pray to her. I don't know why, but they call her Mother Rachel.  The crazy Jewish lady told me because Rachel gave the signs over to Leah.  In my mind, what signs, Laban tricked  Jacob into marrying Rachel and then a week later he married Leah.  But, I am Christian and she was Jewish, and I am not one to question a person's beliefs.

On to Jerusalem.  So on this trip we met a really nice Swedish lady who was a parole officer.  Totally different from the US version.  Very lovely.  Anyway, the Jewish lady needed to get to her appointment in 15 minutes, yes 15 minutes, and while our driver was flirting with Caroline, I was talking to the Swedish lady, the Jewish lady was yelling for the driver to concentrate because through her own accord, she made herself late.  And then, she only gave him 8 ILS after he drove us around all day.  Even though it was a scheme, she schemed Caroline and myself as well.  Well back to the hostal...Caroline ditched me, and so I traveled by myself for dinner.  You see how I mentioned that I had breakfast and then dinner, because that's all I had.  I had a cheese burger and it was oh so good.  I'm sorry God, please forgive me.

I fell asleep reading a book, and now it's 530 am and I am typing this blog because my body has not quite adjusted. 

Today's plan, OLD CITY and the Garden Tomb.

Monday, March 7, 2011

My Fault

I am so late.  But I have been up and about traveling.  Let's start with the Half Marathon....OMG  this is my new favorite activity.  Why, why would running 13.1 miles be so much fun.  I have no clue, but training and actually running it is totally different.  I dreaded the training.  I have no clue if it was the loop around outer loop at Fort Irwin that only measure eight miles INCLUDING the two mile course, but that run down Disny BLVD was amazing.  It was exhilirating, fun, and I had enough steam for 8 miles.  Then I started counting down knowing I had five miles left  So what does that mean.  I was in pain.  My achilles heel was not trying to extend fully, my feet just physically hurt and my legs were telling me BUY NEW RUNNING SHOES!!!!  But the race itself was so amazing.  All these women from all over in tutus, full length costume garb or what have you celebrating fitness.  I know how many minorities were there.  I did not say black people, I said Minorities....not that many, but we represented. I am blessed that I was able to share this first timer experience with my bestie Danielle.  Of course she had the boo boo tears talking about I never thought I would ever to do this.  Really!!!!  I didn't cry.  But for a moment I did imagine my mom on the sidelines cheering me on.  I'm not a cryer.  I try not to be an emotional person at all.

ON TO ST. LOUIS....LOVE IT  I hit all the hot spots, which include Imos, the Chinaman and saw some of the bestest friends ever.  I also realized a lot of crap while at home.  Though 5 days seems like enough, it is not, especially after you haven't seen your family in over a year because you were deployed to Afghanistan.  The best times EVER were seeing my mother's sisters Rose Anne and Patricia Thompson.  Why....because since she died, they have been my rock, them and Eddie.  We went to this japanese buffet which really doesn't seem like a big thing, but it was the greatest ever.  What do I cherish, corny dinners with my aunts.  Soul food cooked by my best friend's mother.  Oh I didn't tell you, Danielle's momma, the one I ran 13.1 miles with, cooked candied yams, greens and cornbread, mac and cheese, ribs, chicken and pork steak.  Oh how I will miss you.  Oh and I love you all and thank you Eddie for retiring. So what were my eye opening experiences....animals are mistreated and processed oh so grossly in order to feed the population.  REALLY!!!!  Fast food restaurants you just going to add ammonia to my food and think I don't know.  Taco Bell you think its alright for sand to just be all up in my tacos.  FDA, don't you think you should have some hire standards for food that the American population is consuming.  You right, I don't even have to partake in it.  So guess what.  That fast I was on has officially been extended.  The only time pork, beef or chicken will touch this big luscious lips   is when someone in my immediate family or Danielle's momma cook it. 

On to Seattle, I love that city.  My REI pack and Merrill running shoes that I absolutely have no desire to run fit right in.  OH and them crab legs and cod was off the chain.  This seafood habit will definitely feed my non beef, pork, or chicken habit.