Wednesday, September 29, 2010

European travels

I know when people backpack across Europe the have a true backpack. I can't do it. I love my rei roller bag slash backpack. After walking 30 miles around a mountain o refuse to carry anything over a couple of pounds on my back. Of course I felt a lote self conscious with my big ass bag while everyone else has there huge backpack and it is cumbersome going up and downstairs buts it rolls. That is what is so great. The wheels. Maybe I do need to learn to pack lighter. I obvoiously don't need the computer and iPhone and laptop. Lessoned learned pack light. But I do need a bigger coat. And a bag with wheels. I love Europe and I think I will learn a new language in order to become more
marketable and be able to communicate with the populace. Either way I love Europe. I love america and how patriotic it is but I love the sense of being an individual in Europe. Amsterdam tomorrow.

For ome reason my hair is acting real funny. I guess because I look at everyones hair and assume mine is or is not like theirs. I am going to get it together and be happy with me because in the end that is truly all I got

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I have no clue if you ever got to the Europe side of the house, but it is wonderful.  Other than the racial profiling I endured in Germany due to my short frizzy hair cut (I know I need some oil in my head) everything is wonderful.  I know I am your daughter and I am so proud.  You know how I know I am Shirley Jean Jackson's daughter.  Because on less than 24 hours of sleep I wandered around Paris, France, a completely foreign country with just a train station map.  Of course I made some mistakes, such as I bought 12 days worth of tickets versus the one I should have bought.  Who knew that one ticket could last you the whole day, you know the Bi-State in St. Louis all you get is a transfer.  Anyway, I walked through the Louvre, took picture of myself and all the randome stuff I will probably not remember the name of.  What's funny is I remember when you took me to the Art Museum in St. Louis, and we visited the Egyptian portion.  Yes, mother, that is the first place I went here in Europe as well.  I remember you buying me this little Egyptian kit for kids, I made a necklace, it had some of the scribe paper and everything.  I thought about that today.  I also thought about how I was watching animal planet, and recognized, that I am becoming my mother's child.  Yes, I was fascinated by the howling dogs of New Guinea, and the venomous snakes of who knows where.  You would have been so proud, and probably a little scared.  I pretty much just hopped on and off trains at random spot to see random things.  Okay not random things, but I know you are watching out for me.  Mostly because I am here.  I walked in the rain and LOVED IT.  I almost saw Napolean Bonaparte's tomb, but I refused to walk all the way back to Museum L'Armee.  I was on Champ Elyssees and walked the wrong way.  I know my stubborness and the fact I think I know it all, kills me all the time.  Instead of walking up the street to the Arc de Triomphe I walked towards this damn military museum.  Aww well, there is always tomorrow.  And I know I have enough tickets.  I was scared before I got here, but I embraced Paris like it was St. Louis.  I walked around this place like I owned it.  I even tried some of the local food.  I hate CREPES and red wine.  AND WHO THE HECK PUTS EGG IN THE MIDDLE OF A PIZZA!!!!  IT was great it was wonderful, and I owe my free spirit all to you.  Now I know why you chose to live life solo, it is so much fun, not having to wonder if you are entertaining your mate.  Just as long as you are entertaining yourself.  I love you and miss you.  No tears, but this trip is all for you.


Thursday, September 23, 2010


I big chopped.  Today was the day.  And as much as I want to say I love it, I kind of disappointed.  Why you may ask.  Because, there are still strands of relaxed hair in my head.  Basically, my hair is uneven.  The The foreigner that cut my hair, he did what he could.  But with the langugage barrier that prevented me from communicating, I want all of the relaxed hair cut off and only the natural hair.  Or when I tried to enphasize, the part where the straight texture meets the curly, at that point.  Yea, he pretty much didn't get that.  UGH....Product review time....

I love love love Herbal Essence Curl and wave shampoo...
Tresseme aloe and avocado condtioner....LOVE
Kinky Curly Knot Today...The jury is still debating
Cantu Shea Butter, love it
The guy that cut my hair...ugh you tried, and I appreicate it, but LORD knows I can't wait until I get back to the states to cut  it right.

I think I have a case of the frizzies...what to do what to do about them....


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The List

Everyday I run across something I want in my future husband.  And I here the old heads say, it is important to write it down, and put it in the bible.  That way God will answer your quest.  Well, in all honestly, I have no clue what I want, however here is a brief list of what I have observed....Some of it is superficial but some of it is not.
Loves God, but does not criticize or judge me for my liberal attitudes
A man will fly me to come see him because he just wants to see me
Vacations to anywhere and everywhere (he should probably come up with the destination) I am so indecisive.
Likes to cuddle
A little taller than me and cute
Not fat!!! (I am not sorry....)
Wants to get out and help people
No baby momma drama
My age
Loves adventure (ATVs)
NOT A THUG!!!  But can handle his own when it comes down to it.
I will update periodically, as I run across things that spark my eye

Sitting in Kuwait it's hot as hell
How come every other desert it is a pleasure to dwell
Hopeing to delay my impending trek
Across Europe with a bunch of strangers
and loads of clothes to pull across the continent

Oh how I can't wait to blow this joint,
because I hate, I loath, I am just so disappointed at what I have become
A lowly staff slave subjected to power hungry grunts
jealous of what i am and what i am to become

You take my degree to seriously
It's just a Bachelor's from the Hudson Institute of techonology
But your jealousy has yet to affect me,
because your ambitions are different from my dreams

In your world of a totalatarian dictatorship, I just hope my afro can blow in the wind
as i help little poor babies get healthier

That's my wrap for the day.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's A Test

I firmly believe that every test God has put my way pertaining to men and relationships, I have failed.  Up until now.  Since my big six years ago, I have fell to the temptation of lust and the fleeting hope of a potential relationship.  This happens by falling for the wrong person.

So why is today, at the tender age of 27 different have I actually decided to let the no good dirt bags go.  It's probably because I finally just got a clue, or maybe that I am not really attracted to them.  But probably because they don't have anything to offer.  Case in point, I met this guy who seemed to be nice, seemed to want everything I wanted.  All he wanted was sex.  And he carried on asking for sex for about  months.  Why is this important.  Because I said no.  I told him, we don't want the same please leave me alone.  Has he finally gotten a clue.  No not as of yet.  However, I remain optimistic because his pressure on me is not turning me on, but more pissing me off. a very good sign. 

Why can't you just let me go
Don't you get tired of begging for the candy, when you don't even have enough cash
Why can't you understand that I need more than just a temporary solution
Please go run your game on another new arrival in country, because I am tired

Your obnoxiuos suggestions that I prefer the va-JJ rather than the stick is just annoying and childish
I have desire to be more than just the cause or effect of any conversation you hold with your boys.
All I want is to be a distinct memory of what could have been instead of what can be,
which is really just a piece of ass

Let it go,
I know it's hard
this thick thighs, this pretty smile and oh so natural beauty that many females wish they had
but try, because I have already let you go,
And next time you try to knock on this door  or any other door of opportunity,
please make sure you come correct


Wednesday, September 8, 2010


September 7 would have been my mom's 60th birthday.  She passed 6 years ago.  And in all honesty, I really didn't know her.  If you talk to my family, children aren't suppose to know anything about their parent's personel lives.  So I only have a host of assumptions about her.  I can only guess why she only married once or twice and decided to live the rest of her days with just me and eventually alone.  The thoughts of lesbianism crossed my mind.  But that is just wishful thinking into insight of my own existence.  As much as I don't know or understand about my mom and how she grew up and what type of person she was, I still miss her.  I do know that I am exactly like her.  I have gotten more attributes from my mother than from my father.  I have her nose and lips.  I have her love for "different music" which is not solely comprised of black music.  We both have an affinity to travel the world, with no plans whatsoever, and to do it by ourselves.  We both tend to do what we want, even though we consult our friends on what is best.  The odd thing is, that we are both free spirits forced to be confined to a world of black and white.  But the same way she could not be contained, I cannot be either. 

Me and my mom differ in one way, I am way more liberal than her.  While a lot of my Christian friends shun homosexuals and members of faith I embrace them.  While society believes that people labelled with diseases such as bipolarism, schizophrenia, and multiple personality, I belive that this is just another realm of normalty that people cannot understand. 

I got my mother's nappy hair, and her fiery attitude.  Our inability to put up with dumb shit mirrors one another.  The endless dreams we both share is uncomparable.  The void we have in search of helping the disadvantaged is amazing.

I love my mom, and miss her on most days.  I wish she was here, but instead I will just write her in my dreams and journals to make sure she understands she is missed.

Love ya!!!