Tuesday, December 7, 2010


How do I start?  I have no clue.  For the past seven years, I have been dating.  I just have not met that one person who gives me butterflies in my stomach.  I just haven't met that guy.  I know everyone has that signal feeling that tells them if this person is worth his or her time.  However, over the past seven years, I think there was one, and he was a dud.  Of course there are those who give me that general feeling of like, or I like some of their attributes.  But when the nervousness subsided, I was confronted with the same man I have dated in seven years past.  And now I am faced with the decision to determine if I want to go forward or to cease and desist.  In the book, Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth had the same dilemma, she had dated the same type of man for years.  You know the guy, he is your pattern, he is the norm.  You don't notice the norm until you are alone dating this man and realize that this type of realtionship blows.  That in all actuality, you aren't in a relationship.  I have been presented with three different types of men in the past seven years.  So what the difference between 20 year old Erica and 27 year old Erica.  I consciously recognize that I have made mistakes, that while, fortunately contributed to my development, have ultimately left me bitter, upset, and emotionally dependent upon a 3lb dog.  So the question remains, who are these  men, who cause so much heartache to men.  Let's review my past after the cheater/heart breaker/and impregnator (not me)

The Warden
The Warden is usually an older guy, around the age of 40-47, however there are some officers in training around the age of 25-35 who are looking to retire the older prison warden.  The warden is a man who must know everything.  He wants to know your every move every time of the day.  And even though he has you under lock and key, he has every right to go do whatever he wants.  And when you question him about his whereabouts, well, he owes you nothing, because you are the prisoner and he is warden.  Now, the warden, it seems that he is doing you a service, that he is really helping you, and that he is protecting you.  However, he's not.  When times get tough, when you are in the hospital in need of someone to take care of you, he won't be.  Your true friends will be there, but the warden won't.  On the contrary, the warden's friend will be the one to take you too and pick you up from the hospital.  Now, what the prison warden is good for is making you feel guilty for the shit you do.  While you drove home doped on percocet, he will blow up your phone asking why you didn't come over after your surgery.  Because the first thing on your mind, after having your appendix removed is sex.  Oh, remember when you went home for your momma's birthday.  You know the lady who gave birth to you, well the warden will quiz you about every second of the day.  He will even have the audacity to ask if you had sex while you were at the crib.  Yes, in his mind on your momma's birthday you had sex with some guy.  Oh, let's not forget that since you are now the warden's property, you aren't allowed to go anywhere by yourself.  Sorry those are just the rules.

Mr. I don't Wanna
I am pretty sure, I am not the only person who has encountered this type of man.  But ladies, why do we continue to be hoodwinked by this character.  Who is Mr. I don't Wanna?  He is the man, who for some reason presents every attribute that we think we want, until he drops that dreaded line, I don't want a relationship.  So you ask yourself, "Really.  I mean not even with me.  I thought we were having such a good time."  So, being who we are, we say, look, I feel what you saying, but I can change your mind.  So we end up on this whirlwind romance the ultimately ends up sending you into depression,  because he told us, I don't want a relationship.  And we didn't heed the warning.  Oh, yes, this man is great.  He holds you, he tells you all the things you want to hear.  He is the man who is in touch with his intimate side.  You all have the best sex ever.  He hits that spot right and everytime.  He is the guy who gave you the butterflies in your stomach, and made you nervous on that first date.  STAY AWAY!!!  Again I say, STAY AWAY!!!  All that greatness will lead to your ultimate demise.  You will be left in a puddle of tears because like he said before he doesn't want a relationship.

Mr. Stalker
This guy is undercover.  He can be any age and probably has more problems than you know.  He will lie, or leave out important information pertinent that is necessary to make an informed decision.  He will quickly fall in love with you, and you probably have only been on a couple of dates with him.  Whether or not you give up the goods or not will determine the severity of the stalking.  However, all stalkers are prone to violence.  Now, to you, Mr. Stalker is not anything special.  He is pretty much like every guy you give a chance, but is just not your type.  These are the warning signs you need to beware of.  Mr. Stalker takes you to meet his family on the second date.  Mr. Stalker will just show up at your house, meaning, you could be walking your dog, and BAM there he is.  The last indicator is that he hides pertinent information from you, such as he has children. 

Now these are three categories of men I have had the pleasure of meeting during my seven year stint of being on the market.  And I caution you.  Avoid them at all costs.  It's not worth the heartache.  Now I know, it pretty much seems like there is no hope left.  Because all of the men you meet fall into one of the three categories, or probably other one's not discussed.  Well, I know their are other men who will treat you right.  I personally haven't met any of them, however, my friends have some good men who love them dearly and treat them like Queens.  Well, at least that is what they tell me.


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