Sunday, March 27, 2011


I am generally a happy person.  Which is why these posts are so sporadic.  I only write when I am lonely, sad, feeling unappreciated, or I have done something amazing.  There are two people that I must put out of my life.  Both whom I account as good friends, and one whom I would have kept as a friend if I had not slept with.

The first one, we will call him Ricky.  We met 6 years ago, after my breakup with Matthew and my parole from West Point.  I was young, stupid, and fell for him.  But more than that he was a great person.  A person whom I could have actual conversations with.  The fatal flaw of our relationship, we had sex.  And like all the great movies and writers say, there is always feelings attached to sex.  Well, my feelings got involved, and played off them.  Well, I allowed him.  So let's just say, he is the first guy I allowed to play me.  While we dated, or were friends, he continued to have female friends.  He wasn't READY for a relationship.  At that point, I wasn't either.  I finally had freedom and wasn't giving it up.  So that brings us to today.  Where when I pop up at home, he always pops up at the right moment and says the right things to get my head all crazy.  Yes, he is one of those guys, who plays the mind games, doesn't answer questions directly and will have sex with you accompanied with great conversation.

Second guy, we will call him Newboo.  Who is another great friend, who thinks he can make it work with me.  The funny thing, he's not really willing to try to make it work with me.  On the contrary, he will do everything to push you away, including pop up in town and stay with his ex wife to see his children even though you are right down the street.  And then when he finally gets up the nerve to say he is in town, he will only come by for ten minutes to see you.  Okay, now I really painted him out to be a bad guy.  But he has been an awesome friend to me.  He has sat and listened to me talk about my relationships that have ultimately fallen apart due to my inability to see how crazy and narcisstic some men are.  But like, I said, we have never had sex, and have only really flirted with the idea of being together.  So why am I letting him go.  This flirting possiblity of being together.  These string of broken promises that only seem to get bigger and bigger and I keep falling for the okey doke.  Oh and the lack of communication and inability to at least try to talk to me.

It's time to start anew.  And let both of these men who are unable to give me what I want and need go.  Plus I am just really tired of these guys who get my feelings all up in an uproar only to come crashing down on disappointment. 

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